Tough Conversations

Tough Conversations 

“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”

  –Brenee Brown

By Briana Siegert

Why Tough Conversations Matter

As coaches, it’s tempting to always play the motivator, the cheerleader, the hype man/woman, the one who’s always telling athletes they’re doing great. And while encouragement is vital, coaching also means helping people see blind spots, patterns, and truths they may not want to face. Growth doesn’t come from empty praise; it comes from honest coaching and guidance.

That’s where tough conversations come into the equation. There is a time and place for them. If you’re only only giving out fluff and rainbows you will create a false sense of confidence and, on the contrary, if you’re only holding room for criticizing, your athletes will start to question whether they do anything right– both are not doing you or your client favors. 

The three main reasons these tough conversations are vital for you and your clients: 1) Avoidance will only make things worse, 2) it builds trust, and 3) courage is contagious. 

Now, there’s a way you can deliver a tough conversation to soften the blow and that takes skill and practice. These conversations aren’t about criticism. They’re about care. They show an athlete that you’re invested in their progress. 

Three Things I’ve Learned from Tough Conversations FYI, this applies to more than just coaching.

1. Avoiding the talk makes it worse. The longer you put it off the more space it takes up in your head. When you hold in the truth, you are hurting you and the other person. The issue just lingers. Whether it’s about nutrition choices, mindset, effort in the gym, or fixing old habits, silence breeds frustration. 

Facing a tough conversation directly leads to relief and avoids resentment. 

It’s far easier to start giving feedback in the beginning of a coach/athlete relationship and set the expectation up that you are the coach and you will be giving feedback. If all you do is cheer and hype for months and then try to come in and give feedback later, it’s going to feel like a weird dynamic and they may not take it well. You also have to learn how each athlete needs to hear feedback because everyone is different. Some people like clear and direct and others might need a softer delivery. This helps by establishing that in the beginning. 

 My favorite way to give feedback is “the sandwich method.” Here, you layer up a feedback sandwich with something they’re doing well, what they need to do better, and follow it up with what they’re doing well again.

Something like, “Hey, you pushed really hard today, but I would like to see you be more aware of your lockout on your thrusters when you’re tired. Again, solid pace today!” You’re telling them what they’re doing well AND what can be done better. 

Remember, you are the coach. They are paying for your feedback–both good and constructive.

2. Honesty builds trust, not breaks it. I used to fear that being blunt would damage relationships. But the opposite is true: athletes respect you more when they know you’re willing to tell them what they need to hear, not just what they want to hear. Trust grows when feedback is consistent, clear, and fair.

For example, let’s say you have an athlete that doesn’t always squat to depth or is maybe a little questionable, but you let it slide in fear of upsetting them. Fast forward several months after they started working with you and they’re now doing an online qualifier with 75 thrusters in them, and they get a score penalty or their judge no reps them a bunch. Now they’re facing a problem that could have been avoided months ago had it been nipped in the bud immediately. In that conversation, you might say something like, “Yeah, sometimes it’s questionable, but not always,” and now your athlete is upset that you haven’t given them feedback on their squats in months. Now they’ve lost trust and built resentment. 

You might feel good in the short-term while your client feels good because you’re fluffing them up and cheering them on, but in the long run they are going to get deeply frustrated with the lack of improvement and if you come out of the wood work months later with something that could have been handled a long time ago that is going to break trust. Your greatest foundation in any relationship is trust. 

3. Courage is contagious. Every time you lean into a tough conversation, you model courage for your athletes. They see that hard truths can be handled with grace, and it encourages them to have honest conversations in their own lives and helps you to do the same in your own. That is a leadership characteristic. We aren’t just training athletes. We are training leaders. Leaders lead by example. 

They will also have more honesty and trust with YOU. We want our athletes to be able to tell us everything: good, bad, hard, and everything in between. The more they feel comfortable opening up to you, the easier your job will be. It helps to know what’s going on with them from a physical perspective and just an overall life perspective. It will help you program better for them and coach them better.  

Why It’s Worth It

Tough conversations are part of what separates a coach from a cheerleader. They’re uncomfortable, but that is what separates true coaching from just programming. The truth is the most loving and transformative thing you can give someone.

As Senica reminds us: "We suffer more in imagination than reality.”

This can be applied to all aspects of life, not just coaching.